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| The twins around the time we found out |
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| The twins today |
So here are my thoughts on this pregnancy...the good, the bad, the differences, the surprises, and everything in between.
The sheer shock of it all...
When we first found out we were pregnant, it took me a little while for reality to set in! Even though I have been pregnant and have two precious little ones again, I couldn't quite wrap my brain around having a third. Especially in such a neat and surprising way. And the thought of having three babies under two was just terrifying!!! Fast forward 8 months and I haven't made a whole lot of progress...ha! I am still equally terrified about how in the world I am going to juggle three little ones at once. I am still completely in awe of God's goodness and trust in us to bless us with another little miracle child! And even more thankful at his planning and timing, which is much different from our own. Bottom line...God is good. All the time. His ways are not our ways and how extremely THANKFUL I am that this is true. Even when it's overwhelming. Even when I'm scared. He is in control.
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| Biggest surprise of my life! |
Overall, this pregnancy has been surprisingly easy on my body. I guess my only comparison is to the twins' pregnancy which took a much harder toll on me physically. After the first trimester, I had a super easy second trimester, have stayed fairly active, not swollen much at all, and have not gained much weight total. I credit a lot of this to the twins because chasing them keeps me BUSY and ACTIVE all the time. We also follow Derek around in his sports and games so I have been able to keep moving! Even at 38 weeks, I feel pretty good overall physically, which is nice!
Another highlight to this pregnancy has been watching the twins interact with the "baby". I will have such fond memories of them hugging my tummy, kissing my tummy, giving drinks and snacks to the baby, singing to my belly, covering it with blankets, giving it toys, etc. They may have no idea what is actually going on, but they love the idea of a baby in mommy's tummy! I also have sweet, sweet moments of rocking Tucker and Adelyn at night and feeling the baby move inside of me. I'm not sure how exactly I will coordinate all three of them once the baby is born, but I hope that I have a few more nights of rocking my three loves!
Lastly, I have LOVED getting to share this pregnancy with so many of my friends! This baby is going to be joining a baby BOOM at our church which is awesome...I think there will be 10-12 all together in their class alone! Which is so different than the twins' class and makes me excited! I have also loved the camaraderie of sharing pregnancy with so many friends. From craving trips to BWW, to seeing each other at the doctor, to comparing belly sizes and notes, it has been such a blessing in my life. I honestly didn't know anyone pregnant when I had the twins, so this has been super fun!
The bad...
I am going to be SUPER careful with my wording here. One thing I learned through infertility is how much I HATED hearing pregnant ladies complain. Especially when I was DYING inside to change places with them. I try and be very careful about complaining about any negatives to pregnancy online, social media, or to anyone other than family and closest friends. However, this is more about me sharing my heart and being honest with some struggles that I have experienced this time around. Things that reveal that I still have some growing and changing to do inside. Soooo....please understand that this is me showing my weakness and not me complaining about pregnancy. Because I have been there!
The truth...there are some things that are a lot harder being pregnant the second time around!!! I realize that the first time around I was probably pretty self-absorbed and self-centered because I really thought that the whole world revolved around me and my pregnancy. This time around...I have been reminded that it is not all about me!!! SHOCKER!!! The twins can't cater to my pregnant needs. Derek can't be as attentive to my pregnant needs because we have twins. Laundry still has to be done. Dinner still has to be cooked. The twins still wake up sometimes in the middle of the night. Life has gone on.
Which is so hard!!! I have found myself in tears time after time, feeling like I can't quite do it all. Doesn't anyone know I'm pregnant??? That it is hard??? That I need a break??? My physical body is so weak and my selfish desires sometimes take over. I hear myself getting frustrated with the twins or getting frustrated with Derek and I hate the ugliness that I show sometimes. It is a side of me that I wish I could just remove and take away.
Enter grace. I am so thankful for a God that bathes us in grace daily. Whose mercies are new every morning. Who sees my ugly side and loves me anyways. Who knows my weakest areas and continues to mold and shape me. Such sweet grace abounds from our Savior and I am so thankful He loves me anyways. I am also thankful for a sweet husband who has a thick skin, for sweet toddlers who love me unconditionally, and that for the most part we've had more good days than bad. Being pregnant with 2 one-year olds at home and a husband who is gone a lot has been extremely difficult. More difficult than I ever imagined. But God is good all the time! What a blessing!
The surprise...
Obviously this pregnancy has been night and day from the twins' pregnancy in many different ways. The most obvious being the surprise of conception. With the twins, we knew every single detail of every single procedure and appointment. We were under a microscope from the beginning with weekly appointments, sonograms, procedures, etc. In all, we felt like we were much more "in the know" with the twins than we have been this time around. We have literally only had 2-3 sonograms and glimpses of this baby. Throw in not knowing the gender, and we are completely in the dark about our little surprise.
Which I LOVE!!! What a fun experience this has been! God surprised us with the baby and we are loving being surprised with the gender this time around! Even though we may not know all the ends and outs or features of this sweet baby, our God knows every little miraculous wonder and detail. And created this baby at the exact time and in the exact way that our family needed. We are anxious to meet this little desire of our heart and memorize every precious detail. Whoever he/she may be, I do know that they are SUPER MAJOR active. Which fits in well with my crew!!!
Preparing for delivery...
As we approach the end of our pregnancy, we are starting to prepare for delivery and birth. Our initial plan this time around is to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) as long as everything continues to be favorable. This will be a whole new experience physically, mentally, emotionally, and just overall. I am anxious about the birthing process simply because it is brand new. After a schedule c-section with the twins where EVERYTHING was controlled, this seems so out of my control. Which is probably a good thing!
At this point, we are just waiting to see if a VBAC is still a possibility. The baby is measuring well and I am not having any physical or health problems so that is favorable. I am not dilating yet which is unfavorable. I pretty much have two weeks left to start dilating, or we may have to consider having another c-section. I am not exactly against the idea of another c-section, but I am hoping that God grants us our desire for a VBAC. With two active (almost) two year olds at home, a c-section and the scar and recovery would be a challenge to our family.
Another reason we are a little anxious is because Derek is still in the basketball playoffs. They had an AMAZING win last night and are continuing their journey on Friday! We are so proud of him, his team, and their success and really hoping that they enjoy a nice LONG playoff run! I am determined to keep this baby in as LONG as necessary while they keep competing. So I am thankful not to be dilating yet! And also hope I can survive the next few games without an unnecessary stress...ha!
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| Nice little 20 point win last night to claim Bi-District Champs (Tucker was sick) |
SO..we wait in limbo for the time being. I'm not dilated which is great for playoffs. However, I need to dilate at some point to proceed with a VBAC. It's all a balancing act and I am so glad to really not have any control over the matter at all...ha! We are leaving it up to God, asking that HE will intercede for us and act, and know that His timing and ways are not are own. Our prayers are for a safe and healthy delivery, whenever and however that may be!
PRAYERS!
We ask that you continue to pray for our family, as I know you have throughout this entire process. We are anxious to meet our newest little love, but also going to enjoy each moment of these next few weeks. Pray that my body responds in the next two weeks and prepares to deliver. Pray that Derek continues to have success with his Lady Dog team and that they bring glory to God in every game and situation, and pray for the twins as they are about to have their little world rocked by a new baby. We are so blessed to be in this situation, as CRAZY and CHAOTIC as it may be! What an amazing God we serve!!!
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| My first pregnant picture- around 6 weeks |
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| My latest picture- almost 38 weeks |
