My favorite kid

I remember growing up, I would ask my mom over and over again who her favorite kid was. I was convinced that she had one. That she loved one of us more than the other. Of course, I was convinced it was me. But I couldn't understand how in the world she could love me and Grant equally. She was obviously lying to me when she assured me that she did.

Now as a mom, there is no question that she was right. The thought of loving one kid more than another or having a "favorite" is simply inconceivable. I love each of my children infinitely. And there is no way to measure or compare one infinite love to another. (Although my math brain does want to say that there are different "levels" of infinity such as infinity raised to infinity raised to infinity...but I won't go there : )

I know that some moms worry when they are pregnant with their second child that they won't love the next one as much as they love the first. Or that they won't have an instant love. Having twins, I never felt like that. I loved them both immediately. Infinitely. Completely. The same way I loved Colson as soon as I held him. Such an intense, FIERCE love.

Even though the love is the same, it IS different. The way I love Tucker is different from the way I love Adelyn. They need me differently. Want me differently. Respond differently. And as their mama, I try and love them the way they each need it most. And I love how different they all are. They are my favorites. Each of them. In their own unique way.

What I love about Tucker...

-His intense need/love for his mama. From day one, he wanted/needed mama more than anyone in this world. For the first year, he hardly liked anyone else to hold him. He didn't sleep through the night until 10 months...because he wanted his mama!!! He was by far my hardest baby, but oh how I love being his mama. Being the one he loves best. Being the one he needs most. Even though he doesn't need me near as much as before, he still has his moments of intense love.

-His all-out BOYNESS! Tucker is 100% BOY. Everything is a ball. Every stick is a bat. He finds dirt and bugs and rocks anywhere and everywhere. He jumps off anything. He runs. He yells. He's dirty. And I love it.

-His curiosity. I love to watch his brain work. I can literally see the wheels turning in his head when he looks at things. He wants to know how things work. He wants to take things apart. Put them back together. Learn new things. His brain reminds me of my own curiosity and it is so fun to watch him discover the world. Our car rides are filled with "Daddy LOOOOOOK. Mommy LOOOOOOK!"

-His daddy shining through in him. His daddy is my FAVORITE person on this earth and literally the best man I know. I love seeing my favorite qualities in Derek coming out in Tucker's personality. His tenderness. His shy-ness. The way he clings to my leg in public. His silly grin that makes him look just like Daddy. I pray daily that he always desires to be like his Daddy as he grows.

-The way he says "Daddy" and "Mommy" at the end of every sentence. When he's reading a book. When he's asking a question. Our names in his voice are one of the sweetest things I have ever heard in this world. I love his sweet voice. I love his sweet face. Oh how I love him.

-The fact that he's a twin! I love watching the twins and their love for each other. Tucker LOVES Ady. Needs her. Wants he as soon as he wakes up. Calls her his best friend. His girl friend. His Ady-Ri-Ri. Their love is unique and special and I love being a twin mama!

What I love about Adelyn...

-I can't even think about this girl without smiling. She is my sunshine. My ray of light. She puts the color in my world. She keeps us laughing and smiling, even on the hardest days. She can't walk without dancing, can't talk without smiling, and can't live without laughing. She is so FUN!

-Her determination and independence. Oh this girl is her mama. She is something FIERCE. She is determined to do things "All myself". And I completely understand. She gets it so honestly. But I LOVE it about her. I trust her to walk her own path and make her own way and I know that she will experience struggles, but that she will make sure that she accomplishes what she sets her mind too. I wish so many times that I could make things easier on her, but I love to see her pride when she does things herself.

-Her helpfulness. She is mommy's little helper for sure. She loves to help with Colson, getting diapers and toys. She loves to bring her stool in the kitchen and help me put up silverware. She goes with Daddy to workout and brings the girls water or puts up their weights. She has the heart of a servant already. I can't wait to see how this quality grows and how God will use her to His glory.

-Her many faces. I think she is the most beautiful girl in this whole world. Her hair is magical. Her face is perfect. Her eyes are simply stunning. And oh how that girl has so many looks. She has her silly grins, her "brows", her sweet eyes, and even her pout. Her quivering lip when she's sad, or her determined look when she's working. Her personality shines in every feature of her face.

-Her snuggles. I have to admit that it took me and Adelyn longer to bond. As a baby, she was so easy-going that I didn't always felt like she needed me. Especially not with Tucker needing me all the time. But from day one, she always has loved being rocked and held. I rocked her to sleep her entire first year of naps and bed. She melts into me. Her arms wrap up around my neck and play with my hair and I love it. When I lay down with her in a bed, she presses her face against mine. She loves to "hold mommy" and loves to be close. She reminds me of her daddy in this aspect. But oh how I love snuggling with my girl.

-The fact that she's a twin! I love watching the twins and their love for each other. Adelyn loves Tucker something fierce. Loves to give him hugs and kisses. Is concerned for him. Wants to take care of him and be with him all the time. They love holding hands. They love talking. They are precious together.

What I love about Colson...

-His squishiness!!! The boy is SO full and squishy and I just adore him. The twins were so SKINNY as babies and I felt so much pressure to help them gain weight that I stressed myself out. Colson is such a chunk and such a good eater and I just LOVE all of his rolls! He is the cutest little chunk I ever did see!

-The fact that he's a single baby. I love having twins. I wanted twins. I love my experience with twins. But that first year with two newborns was ROUGH. Having a single baby is SO GREAT! I love just having one baby to nurse. One baby to rock. I don't feel torn. I don't feel like I can't hold one without holding the other. I love the connection I have with just being able to nurse him exclusively.

-Him being a surprise! Once again, I love my IVF story and love that God granted our desire to be parents with our twinkies. But oh how I love that he surprised us with a natural pregnancy as well. I love the feeling of finding out I was pregnant. I love that God allowed my body to conceive and work the way he designed it to. I loved the surprise of not knowing Colson's gender through the pregnancy. I love every aspect of our surprise baby.

4 months old, 16 lbs 13 oz, 26.5 inches. BIG BOY!

-His sweetness and tenderness. I missed out on some of those sweet, tender moments with the twins probably because I was just so sleep deprived. But oh is this baby SWEET. His smile goes on for miles. He snuggles into me like I am favorite thing in the world. He pats my mouth when he nurses and holds onto my shirt while he sleeps. His favorite place to be is in my arms. Oh how I love being his mama.

-His hair. It's amazing. Especially after having two bald babies. And his laugh. It's the best. I adore him. I'm seriously head over heals for this boy. He loves mama something fierce and I love love love my sweet baby boy.

Melt my heart!

-His innocence. I love knowing that he hasn't seen any evil. Hasn't been hurt or mistreated. Knowing that he is protected. Innocent. Mine. I know that there are going to be hard days ahead of him, but knowing that right now he is completely innocent and pure is so sweet. I have truly enjoyed the baby stage with my sweet boy.


My favorite thing...
Is just being their mom. I am blessed BEYOND what I could have ever imagined. When I prayed for a baby so many years ago, I never imagined God would bless me so abundantly. The days are hard sometimes. Some hours seem impossible. But the infinite love I feel is just beyond belief. They are amazing. Beautiful. Intense. Smart. They are my favorites.


"Children are a gift form the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalms 127:3