I don't want to miss out on this...

The other day I was leaving my parents' house and the twins were marching out to the car. Arms up, legs up, marching. My mom turned to me and said "These really are the best days of your life." To which I replied..."I guess so, but I'm just too tired to enjoy them." It was a flippant remark. And I didn't really mean it. But I thought about it all that day, and the days to follow...

Am I missing out on the best days of my life?

The days when my babies are young and innocent and fun and snuggly?
The days where we get to stay home together and play and laugh and have no agenda?
The days where they want to wear hard hats to nap in and march through the kitchen and cook in their pajamas?
The days where bubbles are their favorite and daddy is their hero and mama can make every boo-boo better with a kiss?
The days where they say "I hold you" and still want to be rocked to sleep and hold my hand while we watch their favorite shows?

When I went home, I thought about what I had said to my mom. I thought about why I sometimes feel like I'm missing these moments or not quite enjoying them. Why am I giving other "things" importance and not giving my best to the "people" in my life? How can I be missing these sweet sweet moments if they are the best in my life?

Because I'm tired? Yes. Some days I'm tired. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and any other -ally that you can be tired. Raising babies is tiring. Nursing babies is tiring. Being a coach's wife is tiring. Some days I am too tired to life my head.

Because I am too busy? Absolutely. Sometimes all of the "other" things in my world take precedence over my loves. Over the little things they do that make me smile. I hurry them along to get dressed or get frustrated when they stop to play. I put my agenda ahead of their own. My WANTS ahead of their NEED for love and affection. I forget that these times go so quickly. Laundry and dishes and cleaning will always be a part of my home. But sweet cuddles with babies will only be here for a brief period.

Because I'm selfish? 100%. And I hate it. I snap at the kids because I'm tired. I discipline them too harshly because my fuse is short. I get frustrated when I have to stop what I'm doing to get toys out because it takes me twice as long to get anything done. I get annoyed when they won't go to sleep and need to be rocked over and over because it interferes with my quiet time.

How in the world did I switch so quickly from desiring a baby to rock and hold to looking forward to putting them down for a break? Sure motherhood is EXHAUSTING. Sure it is hard work. And I know there are time when we all need a break from the stresses and demands that it brings. But I don't want to allow Satan to take my attention and my heart away from my sweet babies. The moments that I spend rocking my baby are sent straight from God. Being a mom may be hard work, but it is kingdom work. And I don't want to miss the importance of these moments because I'm too busy with things of this world.

I don't want to miss out on the first time I heard Adelyn count and say "bi-cycle" or how Tucker says "cook-a-monster" for Cookie Monster.
I don't want to miss Tucker running naked through the kitchen after playing outside in the water and Adelyn chasing him saying "I get you" and Derek chasing them both
I don't want to miss Adelyn's sweet kisses and her calling Colson "Baby Col-ser Brudder" and her wiggling and giggling as I rock her to sleep
I don't want to miss the JOY of the first time Adelyn could swing like a big girl or how proud I was the first time Tucker kicked a ball or hit a golf ball
I don't want to miss Colson's smiles or Tucker's hugs or Adelyn's silly faces
I don't want to miss the sound of Tucker saying "Mama LOOK" or his face when he shakes his booty or the tenderness of Colson's hands on my face

I don't want to miss it. I don't want to miss out on a single moment of joy that these children bring. I don't want to be so consumed by the weight of this world that I miss out on what God is teaching me daily through these little blessings. Derek, Tucker, Adelyn, and Colson are the BEST blessings that God has gifted me with here on earth and I don't want to miss out on the preciousness of those gifts.

I want to choose to live in JOY and LOVE during this time of our life. I want to choose PATIENCE and GRACE instead of weariness and frustration. I want to sit with my babies and read stories again and again because they will soon outgrow my lap. I want them to look back and have sweet memories of our times together at home and not remember a tired and impatient mama. I want our home to be a happy place filled with the best days of our lives over and over again. Nothing of this world can replace the goodness of the gifts God gives. His kingdom exists here on earth in Tucker's laughs and Adelyn's dance and Colson's smile. I don't ever want to be too busy or too tired or too selfish to see that. I don't want the enemy to have a chance to steal these joys.

I don't want to look back and miss out on these days...

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

It's been a month...

Since our sweet Colson Luke joined our family! We have had our ups and downs this month for sure, but we wouldn't change a thing because we are completely head over heels in LOVE with our new little guy! He is the sweetest thing in the world, loves his mama, and has some pretty awesome hair!

Bringing Colson home has made me think and re-live those first few months with the twins. Oh man were those hard!!! Having number three has been an adjustment and we have definitely had some rough days! But I feel like we were much better prepared this time around, having already been parents and keeping our other two alive. Here are my (random) thoughts from this first month...

When you've nursed tiny babies...
It is so nice to have a big healthy normal boy! Seriously! With the twins, I remember being so nervous about their size, weight, growth, development...all of it. I would stress so much each feeding...were they getting enough? Growing enough? Was my milk good enough? Was I making enough?

The twins at their smallest weight...Tucker was under 5 lbs

The night before each doctor's appointment I would pray and worry. Would they be growing enough? Would I have to start supplementing? What if something was wrong? Then when they weren't gaining, leaving the office in tears because I felt like it was my fault.

And I couldn't fathom doing any more than what I was doing because keeping those two little babies fed was EXHAUSTING! It would take an hour to feed both of them completely. I was pumping after every feeding. Nursing every feeding. Setting my alarm to make sure they didn't miss a feeding. I was up all hours of the night. I didn't sleep. Derek didn't sleep. It was EXHAUSTING! 

Looking back...my babies grew just fine. They were healthy. They are healthy. They grew and developed on track and are crazy active two year olds now. But I remember the stress of nursing little babies and having their ENTIRE nutritional demands fall on me.

1 vs. 2
This time around, only having one baby, is completely different than my first few days with the twins. I have to admit, I am SO THANKFUL that I had the twins first because I cannot even imagine how hard it would be to learn how to juggle twins the second time around. Life with them the first two months was just SO different!

Staying home- The first TWO months with the twins we pretty much spent in our house trying to survive. For one, they were on the small side and being new parents, we were nervous about germs and them getting sick. Plus, we were all just exhausted so we would stay home where it was easy! With Colson, we have been on the go already! He is a fairly easy baby, so we tote him around with us pretty much wherever we go! Which is another awesome part of only having 1 baby. It is SO much easier to run into the store, or go somewhere with just one car-seat/carrier to maneuver. I never could just "run" to the store with the twins by myself because it was so difficult to deal with 2 car-seats!

Sleep- We are sleeping SO much better this time around than with the twins. I get up with him 1-2 times a night, but that is pretty much it. We have had a few nights where I was up 3 times, but that's as hard as its been since day one. Derek is able to sleep this time around, since there is only one baby to feed. Which makes him much happier and much less grumpy! Since he has to go to work each day and has late nights with track, this is much better for everyone! Yay!

Feeding- Obviously feeding one baby is much easier than twins. In fact, it has been so super easy this time around. Colson is a great eater and I have been able to nurse exclusively. Feedings are much shorter, with one baby and not having to give extra bottles. At night, I am only up about 20-30 minutes! That is awesome compared to the hour it took both Derek and I with the twins. During the day, Colson likes to eat about every 2 hours which is A LOT, but we are managing pretty well. He is growing and healthy which is great!

3 vs. 2
Of course only having one baby this time around sure has been easier...except for the fact that I have two 2-yr-olds to care for two! Having three children definitely has been a game-changer for this mama! I really felt like I could handle the twins on my own, pretty much anytime or day. We worked well together and our little routines were in place. But now with three kiddos, there are lots of time where I just get beat! Hands-down beat.

One of the biggest changes is just getting into the car. Three car-seats. Three buckles. Having to crawl in the back to buckle Tucker. Getting three bags packed. Thankfully I don't have to worry about cups or bottles or milk with Colson, but just getting out the door with three is quite an ordeal.

Bedtime and bath-time are also quite different. The twins were always on the same schedule. Throwing Colson into the mix with different needs makes this time quite trying. It's not too bad when Derek is home, but the nights that I am alone are quite a circus! I have had to go back and forth between crying kid a couple of times...not fun!

Nap-time is my other big challenge. I like everyone to lay down and have the same afternoon nap. Which is great when they all go to sleep. Sometimes it takes a good hour to get everyone down. There is usually one of the three who needs extra time and rocking. Then it usually seems that one of them wakes up quite a bit earlier than the rest. I try and squeeze in a nap when I can, but that doesn't always work. And since I will have to go back to work pretty soon, naps will be off the table for me anyways!

Comparison...

I know I probably shouldn't, but I can't help but compare Colson's size to the twins. From day one, he has been so much bigger, but thanks to his eating frenzy...he has grown so much!

At birth, he was 7 lbs 12 oz. The twins both weighed 7 lbs 11 oz at one month old! Colson outgrew his newborn clothes and diapers at 2 weeks. The twins were able to wear both until around 2-3 months! This month's checkup was great. He is a big healthy boy and actually tall which is crazy!

Colson going home from the hospital

Tucker going home from the hospital

At his one month appointment:

Weight: 10 lb 9 oz (70th percentile)

Height: 23.5 inches (98th percentile)

Colson Luke at one month

The twins at one month

A lot of people ask who he looks like and we still don't know 100%! His hair throws us off because the twins were so bald! I really don't think he looks much like either one of them, but he does favor Tucker in the nose and mouth. I've been told quite often that he looks like his daddy. I see some of me in his baby pictures because he is a chunk! Regardless, we think he's pretty darn cute!

Colson Luke

Tucker Rope

Overall...
Life is good. We are blessed. Colson Luke is the best addition to our family and we love getting to know his sweet personality! The twins call him "Col-ser" and love to shower him with kisses. They are sometimes a little overboard...but I guess that is to be expected!

I have close to two weeks left at home and we are on the down-slope to school anyways. We are looking forward to sweet summertime with our Daddy being home and lots of fun play-time and summer fun! We hope that you are all doing well and continue to pray for our growing family!

First picture as a family of FIVE
Easter 2015

Easter 2013

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1