Am I missing out on the best days of my life?
The days when my babies are young and innocent and fun and snuggly?
The days where we get to stay home together and play and laugh and have no agenda?
The days where they want to wear hard hats to nap in and march through the kitchen and cook in their pajamas?
The days where bubbles are their favorite and daddy is their hero and mama can make every boo-boo better with a kiss?
The days where they say "I hold you" and still want to be rocked to sleep and hold my hand while we watch their favorite shows?
When I went home, I thought about what I had said to my mom. I thought about why I sometimes feel like I'm missing these moments or not quite enjoying them. Why am I giving other "things" importance and not giving my best to the "people" in my life? How can I be missing these sweet sweet moments if they are the best in my life?
Because I'm tired? Yes. Some days I'm tired. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and any other -ally that you can be tired. Raising babies is tiring. Nursing babies is tiring. Being a coach's wife is tiring. Some days I am too tired to life my head.
Because I am too busy? Absolutely. Sometimes all of the "other" things in my world take precedence over my loves. Over the little things they do that make me smile. I hurry them along to get dressed or get frustrated when they stop to play. I put my agenda ahead of their own. My WANTS ahead of their NEED for love and affection. I forget that these times go so quickly. Laundry and dishes and cleaning will always be a part of my home. But sweet cuddles with babies will only be here for a brief period.
Because I'm selfish? 100%. And I hate it. I snap at the kids because I'm tired. I discipline them too harshly because my fuse is short. I get frustrated when I have to stop what I'm doing to get toys out because it takes me twice as long to get anything done. I get annoyed when they won't go to sleep and need to be rocked over and over because it interferes with my quiet time.
How in the world did I switch so quickly from desiring a baby to rock and hold to looking forward to putting them down for a break? Sure motherhood is EXHAUSTING. Sure it is hard work. And I know there are time when we all need a break from the stresses and demands that it brings. But I don't want to allow Satan to take my attention and my heart away from my sweet babies. The moments that I spend rocking my baby are sent straight from God. Being a mom may be hard work, but it is kingdom work. And I don't want to miss the importance of these moments because I'm too busy with things of this world.
I don't want to miss out on the first time I heard Adelyn count and say "bi-cycle" or how Tucker says "cook-a-monster" for Cookie Monster.
I don't want to miss Tucker running naked through the kitchen after playing outside in the water and Adelyn chasing him saying "I get you" and Derek chasing them both
I don't want to miss Adelyn's sweet kisses and her calling Colson "Baby Col-ser Brudder" and her wiggling and giggling as I rock her to sleep
I don't want to miss the JOY of the first time Adelyn could swing like a big girl or how proud I was the first time Tucker kicked a ball or hit a golf ball
I don't want to miss Colson's smiles or Tucker's hugs or Adelyn's silly faces
I don't want to miss the sound of Tucker saying "Mama LOOK" or his face when he shakes his booty or the tenderness of Colson's hands on my face
I don't want to miss it. I don't want to miss out on a single moment of joy that these children bring. I don't want to be so consumed by the weight of this world that I miss out on what God is teaching me daily through these little blessings. Derek, Tucker, Adelyn, and Colson are the BEST blessings that God has gifted me with here on earth and I don't want to miss out on the preciousness of those gifts.
I want to choose to live in JOY and LOVE during this time of our life. I want to choose PATIENCE and GRACE instead of weariness and frustration. I want to sit with my babies and read stories again and again because they will soon outgrow my lap. I want them to look back and have sweet memories of our times together at home and not remember a tired and impatient mama. I want our home to be a happy place filled with the best days of our lives over and over again. Nothing of this world can replace the goodness of the gifts God gives. His kingdom exists here on earth in Tucker's laughs and Adelyn's dance and Colson's smile. I don't ever want to be too busy or too tired or too selfish to see that. I don't want the enemy to have a chance to steal these joys.
I don't want to look back and miss out on these days...
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
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