The Good Stuff

Today, I was taking the kids to the potty for (what felt like) the hundredth time. We were getting ready to take naps, so I was putting a pull-up on Tucker. He had his arm wrapped around my neck and leaned into my hair and started twirling it and said,

"Mama, I love you. SOOOOO Much." 

Melt. My. Heart. I seriously stopped right there and got tears in my eyes. I leaned towards him and said, "Baby,  I love you too." It was the sweetest, most tender moment ever.

It was the first time. The first time that he had ever said "I love you" with out prompting. The first time he had said it all on his own. Without me saying it first. Without me asking him, "Who do you love?" It was completely his idea and on his own. He chose right there on the bathroom floor to tell Mama how much he loved me. It didn't matter that we were an arm's length from the potty or that the floor was dirty, or anything else. He wanted me to know that he loved me.

And oh, how I NEEDED to hear it.

It's been a rough few weeks. Honestly. Yesterday was enough to do me in. I literally had the thought that if a burglar came in during nap-time, I would just give them the keys and say, "Good Luck with those three, I'm leaving." I've been at my wit's end time after time, day after day, and somedays are just harder than others.

I've been in the dark. That dark place where I go when things get rough. I've been focusing on it too. Drowning in it. Satan has been whispering in my ear over and over. You can't do it. Three under three is too much. Potty training is too hard. Working from home is exhausting. You can't do it. You are worthless. In over your head. I've wanted to write blogs about it. Cry about it. Shout about it. Give up. Lock the door. Run away.

"Mama, I love you. SOOOOO much."

Wow. It was like heaven itself opened up and God himself whispered in my sweet boy's ears. God knew how much I needed those words. Words of encouragement. Words of love. Pure and innocent. Out of the mouth of babes. Sure it was Tucker's voice saying it. But I heard the words of my heavenly father.

That's the good stuff right there. My little love telling me he loved me. Colson snuggling his face into mine when he's tired. Adelyn asking me to dance with her. Tucker laughing his belly laugh. Holding Colson's hand while he nurses. Adelyn telling me she "needs me".

Even in the darkest times, God is present. He sees us. He sees our struggles. He knows our heart. He hears us crying out over and over again. Frustrated and in despair. But he is there. Just waiting for us. Wanting us to turn to Him. Ready to catch us when we fall.

These three are challenging each and every day, but they are so much more than that. They are good. They are joy. They are love in the purest form. Being their mom is hard work, but it is also a blessing. It is my calling. It is my joy.

When I focus on the bad, all I see is bad. But when I LOOK for the good, it is EVERYWHERE.

Satan wants me to see the challenges. Wants me to feel that "woe is me" feeling. Wants me to feel alone and exhausted. But Jesus, Jesus came for us to have life, and have it abundantly. And looking at my three babies' sweet faces. WOW. If that is not abundant life, then I don't know what is.

They are Beautiful. Precious. Incredible. They are mine. My blessings from above. They are the "good stuff".

These days...

No surprise here...it's been awhile since my last blog post. The last five weeks of school were pretty much survival mode in our family with me back at work and trying to juggle end of school activities and craziness! So here's a little update on what's going on in the Schoen world these days...

Baby Love
I can't even tell you how much I am loving this sweet baby boy of mine! I am THOROUGHLY enjoying baby stage this time around. I hate to admit it, but I really didn't enjoy the baby stage with the twins near as much as I thought I would. The first few months with them was straight up survivor mode trying to keep them fed, clean, put down for naps, and trying to function myself. They spent a lot of time on a blanket on the floor because I would hate to hold one of them and not the other. Or I had them down simply so I could try and keep up with all of the other things I had going on. With it taking an hour to feed both babies, every three hours, there was little time for me to do much else.

So I am SOAKING up this sweet baby time with Mr. Colson. It has really been pretty special to have a single baby after the twins. I love our sweet snuggles and cuddles and have enjoyed getting to wear him in his carrier and being able to exclusively nurse. I feel like we bonded much more quickly this time around, and he seems to fit in to our family perfectly. Plus he is an AWESOME sleeper and has blessed mommy by sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. This allows me to be able to function like a human being much better this time around. He does have some hard times, especially when he has to wait for mommy while I tend to the twins, but he is fairly laid back and easy. We are loving getting to know him and are so thankful for our little surprise!

Terrific Twos
The twins have made the transition into the Terrific Two's and are really doing great. We all experienced quite a transition with Colson joining our family, but after about 6 weeks we got back in our groove. Of course we experience our share of "difficult" moments during this stage, but overall we are really enjoying the Two's. Tucker and Adelyn seem to be BLOSSOMING so much lately, especially with their vocabulary and learning. They are talking non-stop, LOVE to read, and are both super sharp! Here's some things my big two year olds love to do...

-Count to 15
-Name their shapes and colors
-Identify animals and sounds
-Speak in sentences (around 7-9 words)
-Buckle their car-seat with help
-Hit balls of the tee and kick soccer balls
-Sing their ABC's
-Sing several songs including "Itsy Bitsy Spider, Night Night Song, Jesus Loves Me, My God is so Big"
-Tell you what happens in a story
-"Read" their books when looking at pictures
-Play kitchen, play with tools, or build blocks
-Color pictures and put together puzzles

Age two is definitely a challenge with their new found independence. Being an EXTREMELY independent person myself, I understand their need and want to do things on their own. As their mother, it is hard sometimes to let them do things on their own, especially when we are in a hurry or I need to tend to Colson. Motherhood is definitely a battlefield and I find my patience being tested daily. Our new adventure is potty-training which is a whole new ballgame in itself. I am so thankful for God's grace in the times that I fall short and pray daily for his words and wisdom as I shape these two little lives!

Healthy Babies
Both Colson and the twins had check-ups in May. Colson continues to be on the BIG side of the spectrum while the twins continue to be on the SMALL side of the chart. Regardless of size, I am extremely THANKFUL for three healthy kiddos! Colson got his first ever shots which were a little heart-breaking. We had a couple of hard nights and long days of snuggles, but he rebounded like a champ. The twins didn't have to get shots and did GREAT at their appointment, which was such a blessing after the 18 month check was so rough. The twins are developing great, are super smart, and are right on track with where they should be!

Colson's feelings about getting shots

Colson's Two Month Stats:
Weight- 13lb 8oz (71st percentile)
Height- 24 inches (82nd percentile)
Wears 6-9 month clothes
Size 2 diapers

Tucker's Two Year Stats:
Weight- 26lbs 10oz (24th percentile)
Height- 2 ft 11.25 in (62nd percentile)
Wears 2T clothes and size 7 shoes

Adelyn's Two Year Stats:
Weight- 24lbs (10th percentile)
Height- 2ft 9.75in (35th percentile)
Wears 2T clothes and size 5 shoes

Three Under Three
In such a short amount of time, my life did such a complete change that sometimes I have to stop and catch my breath! Going from no babies to three babies in two years pretty much gave me a serious case of baby-brain and I sometimes forget all the years of heart-ache and struggle it took to get to this point. I get consumed by being a mommy. And some days are SO STINKIN HARD. I pray daily for grace to come out of my mouth and then cringe when the harshness comes. Tears roll down my face when I think about how long I asked for these blessings, and yet I still find myself yearning to lock myself in the bathroom just to get five minutes of peace. Oh this mommy life wears on you. These days are some of the longest of my life, but also some of the downright best.

Having three under three is a daily challenge. But I am so thankful that God chose me for this job. I am thankful that He chooses not to sit and watch me struggle, but to walk alongside me each step. In my best and in my worst moments, I feel his presence and know that He is there. Each little snuggle, smile, hug, and kiss is His blessing. It was GOD's choice to bless me with three under three, and His timing alone. There are days when I feel on-top of the world, and days that I am on my knees. And days where I am both in the same breath. But there is nowhere else I would rather be then in my home with these three miracles.

Sweet Summertime
We are enjoying the blessing of being home with our family this summer. Both Derek and I are doing some extra jobs and working part-time, but for the most time we get to be home together. We have a few things planned for July, but are spending our days going to the park, playing in the backyard, going to the library, going for walks, swimming, eating sno-cones, and laughing together. We are so blessed to have jobs that let us have this much family time together. I hope that I will be able to blog more, but knowing my three...that may not happen! I pray that you are all enjoying your sweet families this summertime!

WE LOVE SUMMER!

Colson's presentation at church

 "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5