The Good Stuff

Today, I was taking the kids to the potty for (what felt like) the hundredth time. We were getting ready to take naps, so I was putting a pull-up on Tucker. He had his arm wrapped around my neck and leaned into my hair and started twirling it and said,

"Mama, I love you. SOOOOO Much." 

Melt. My. Heart. I seriously stopped right there and got tears in my eyes. I leaned towards him and said, "Baby,  I love you too." It was the sweetest, most tender moment ever.

It was the first time. The first time that he had ever said "I love you" with out prompting. The first time he had said it all on his own. Without me saying it first. Without me asking him, "Who do you love?" It was completely his idea and on his own. He chose right there on the bathroom floor to tell Mama how much he loved me. It didn't matter that we were an arm's length from the potty or that the floor was dirty, or anything else. He wanted me to know that he loved me.

And oh, how I NEEDED to hear it.

It's been a rough few weeks. Honestly. Yesterday was enough to do me in. I literally had the thought that if a burglar came in during nap-time, I would just give them the keys and say, "Good Luck with those three, I'm leaving." I've been at my wit's end time after time, day after day, and somedays are just harder than others.

I've been in the dark. That dark place where I go when things get rough. I've been focusing on it too. Drowning in it. Satan has been whispering in my ear over and over. You can't do it. Three under three is too much. Potty training is too hard. Working from home is exhausting. You can't do it. You are worthless. In over your head. I've wanted to write blogs about it. Cry about it. Shout about it. Give up. Lock the door. Run away.

"Mama, I love you. SOOOOO much."

Wow. It was like heaven itself opened up and God himself whispered in my sweet boy's ears. God knew how much I needed those words. Words of encouragement. Words of love. Pure and innocent. Out of the mouth of babes. Sure it was Tucker's voice saying it. But I heard the words of my heavenly father.

That's the good stuff right there. My little love telling me he loved me. Colson snuggling his face into mine when he's tired. Adelyn asking me to dance with her. Tucker laughing his belly laugh. Holding Colson's hand while he nurses. Adelyn telling me she "needs me".

Even in the darkest times, God is present. He sees us. He sees our struggles. He knows our heart. He hears us crying out over and over again. Frustrated and in despair. But he is there. Just waiting for us. Wanting us to turn to Him. Ready to catch us when we fall.

These three are challenging each and every day, but they are so much more than that. They are good. They are joy. They are love in the purest form. Being their mom is hard work, but it is also a blessing. It is my calling. It is my joy.

When I focus on the bad, all I see is bad. But when I LOOK for the good, it is EVERYWHERE.

Satan wants me to see the challenges. Wants me to feel that "woe is me" feeling. Wants me to feel alone and exhausted. But Jesus, Jesus came for us to have life, and have it abundantly. And looking at my three babies' sweet faces. WOW. If that is not abundant life, then I don't know what is.

They are Beautiful. Precious. Incredible. They are mine. My blessings from above. They are the "good stuff".