Seven years....

Seven years ago, today, was my most favorite day. It will always be my most favorite day. I love thinking about the moment I first laid eyes on each of my babies and how exponentially my heart grew in that moment. In an instant, I knew, nothing would ever be the same. I would never be myself again, from that moment, I would always be different. My heart literally existed outside of my body. I was finally, a mom.

But that moment...the one I love so much, also reminds me of something else. The Before. This image always flashes in my head of that time.  Laying face down, weeping, on the floor of an empty room, holding another failed pregnancy test. The room that was ear-marked as a nursery for years, yet sat empty...waiting. Year after year, test after test, tear after tear, waiting.

Today the twins are seven. They've been in this world seven years. The same amount of years we waited and tried, wanting so badly to be parents. In some ways, it seems like a lifetime ago. A different life. A part of me that I know longer identify with. But the beauty of March 6th would never be the same without the pain of those days before.

Every single day, I look at those smiling faces, I am reminded of God's goodness. It never gets lost on me. Seven years and I still look and them get teary eyed. There are so wonderfully and fearfully made, so perfectly full of joy and goodness. I simply adore being their mama and it never, ever, ever gets old.

I love this day. I love being their mom. I love Tucker Rope and Adelyn Marie more than I ever thought humanly possible. I love the journey that brought me from The Before to The After. I love the many, many, many prayers that were said on our behalf during those days. I can still see the faces of so many precious people gathered in that tiny room or at my parents' house praying for God to grant our desires. Tucker and Adelyn will always be my favorite answered prayer and I love that many of you get to watch your prayers grow up.

I also grieve today. Grieve with those who are still face down on the floor, pleading with God to grant their desires. There is rarely a day that passes that I do not present names to God of women who so desperately want to be a mother and ask that He blesses them. Infertility is a club that no-one wants to join. It's painful and isolating. Yet throughout the past eight or so years, I asked that God use my journey to bring glory to His name. And in that, others may know His power.

Seven years. Seven years of being a mama. Seven years of learning and knowing everything about these precious babies. Ady's laugh. Tucker's smile. Good night prayers and night-night songs. Thank you God for March 6th. May we never grow old of singing your praises.

I still remember praying for the things I have now...