The answer is....yes. I will try and do all of the above.
So here's a quick update into what has been going on...
This past school year was absolutely the best of my life. I stayed home with my babies, we followed Derek around as he went to state and did amazing things and cheered loudly for all of his kids. Our days at home were filled with love and laughter, trips to the park and library, play-dates, and joy. I loved every single minute of it. I started adjuncting at ASU in the Fall and absolutely love what I do. As the Spring went on, I was given more classes, and an opportunity to move into a full time position this fall.
Can I stop there for a minute?
HOW GOOD IS OUR GOD??? Seriously??? I can remember having anxiety and a near panic attack last August when my last paycheck came from the school. I knew God was calling me to stay home, but the sheer weight of providing for a family of 5 on one paycheck was daunting. We had turned down a position that would have allowed for a bigger paycheck, but would have included a move away from family and church. We committed to staying here and making it work and trusting God with our livelihood. The best part about it all??? Watching God provide. Over and over again. In little things and in big. To say that God has heaped out his blessing on us this past year is an understatement. He is a GOOD good Father.
Which brings me to another sidebar....why haven't I blogged???
The easy answer is "I've been too busy". Surely everyone can relate to that. I have three VERY active kids. Sitting down and blogging doesn't exactly lend itself to that lifestyle very often. But if I'm being honest with myself, and with you, that's really not the reason. The reason is much harder to admit...especially in this forum.
So what's the real reason? Ugh...writing it out seems so harsh. But the truth is I feel guilty sometimes. This blog started out as a desire to have children and God has made that reality come true...THREEFOLD! I should want to shout it from the rooftop, sing it from the hills, bask in the glory of motherhood. And I do...most of the time. But I also admit in my own weakness, that being a mother to 3 littles has been hard. Sometimes I don't trust myself to blog because all I want to say is "ITS TOO HARD". And then I feel the guilt. Motherhood is the hardest gift I have ever prayed without ceasing for! Each and everyday, I give everything I have to raising these 3 littles and sometimes....it's not enough! There's not enough of me to go around...my patience runs thin, I do and say things that I regret.
And that's hard to admit. The girl that was begging and pleading God for a baby 5 short years ago sometimes cries out to God "PLEASE help me God. It's TOO MUCH to handle!!" Oh how thankful I am for God's grace. It's hard to admit that I can't handle it all. I hate even uttering a complaint knowing there are women out there who are still waiting for God to answer their prayers. It feels selfish and self-seeking and most days, I feel like I just can't make it all work.
Thank you God for your Grace. I'm so thankful to serve a God who does not require perfection. I struggle each and everyday with measuring up to this image I have in my head of what a perfect mom should be. I'm not talking Pinterest mom...I know I'll never be that. But I desire to be a mom who loves her children and shows them Jesus. Each and every day. Soft and gentle, kind and disciplining. And I fall short all the time...but I just keep trying. Thank you God for patience.
OK....next item of business....what's going on now?
We've had a great summer up to this point, full of VBS, pool playing, trips to Mimi and Papa's and lots of playing with our cousins. I feel like we are directly in a crossroads professionally this summer. Derek has accepted a position at Irion County (Mertzon) as the elementary PE teacher and Cross Country coach. As a coaching family, it is pretty remarkable to say that we have been to 3 different schools and stayed in the same house and church. I'm beyond thankful for that. The twins still have one more year at home before kindergarten, so at this point we are planning on staying in our house for the time being with the goal of moving out to Mertzon by next August. I will be taking on more responsibility at ASU as a full-time instructor. We don't have all the answers yet as to what that will look like for our family, but we are excited for the opportunity and what it will mean for our family.
And now for the real news...
Another reason I feel like I haven't blogged is because most of this blog was about doing in-vitro the first time. Somehow, I sometimes feel like if I'm not talking about that, no one cares. I have no idea if that is true or it's just me.
So for all of you who ARE wondering...we are actually getting ready for our next round of IN-VITRO!!! Crazy enough for you people? It's almost comical thinking of all the other things we have going on in life. But we have planned this and prayed for this for a long time and feel like this is the best time for our family. So ready or not...here we go!
I had a consult in San Antonio back in May to make sure we were ready to implant. Part of the process included a hysterogram which came back abnormal- meaning there was something going on in my uterus. In order to implant, my uterine lining must be smooth. So this past Tuesday, I had a day surgery to clean out anything abnormal on my uterine lining. All went well and I am recovering nicely.
In a few short weeks, I will begin shots and medicine to prepare for our frozen transfer. For those of you who don't remember, we have 2 frozen embryos from when the twins were made. Our initial goal was to use them about 3 years ago when I found out I was already pregnant with Colson. So we now ready to use these "snow" babies and see what God has in store for our family.
How are we feeling? Nervous? Absolutely! Excited? Absolutely! Adelyn is beyond excited about the possibility of a baby sister. I think she already tells anyone who will listen that she is having a baby sister. She prays everyday for one. We are echoing that prayer to God saying "Please God give her a baby sister" although we know we will be happy with whatever He has in store for us!
So there's a crazy update, year wrap-up, future endeavors all in one. We covet your prayers during these next few busy months for our family. We thank you all for bearing with us, loving us, and encouraging us for the past 5 years! I wonder each and everyday how people do life in this world with out Christian brothers and sisters to love them.
"Give thanks to the LORD for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalms 107:1
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