Sometimes you just need a moment...

Ok...truth time...I promised to be honest and open on this blog during this journey. So...here's the truth...today...I had a breakdown. I feel like I have been pretty strong through this whole process and really been handling things well...given the circumstances. And then today...MELTDOWN! I found myself in the parking garage of our doctor's office trying to find a spot on my stomach that was not bruised in order to give myself my shots and I just sat there and cried. I cried because my shots hurt. I cried because I was having to give myself shots. I cried because I want so badly for this to work and there are moments that I am just scared. I sat and cried for the past 5 and a half years that led us to this point. I cried because this whole thing is JUST NOT FAIR!!! As I sat in the backseat crying I told Derek, "This is more than any person should ever have to do!!!" And I cried. Then, I called my mom and cried some more. It just all hit me in that moment and I did what I had to do...I cried.

And then...I was done. The truth is I am human and this process is the hardest thing that we have had to endure. There's no point in acting like I am always tough, because sometimes you just have to cry. And the greatest thing about all of this, is that what I am feeling is exactly right. This is simply TOO MUCH for one person to do on there own!!! There is no way that I can get through this by myself...I just can't do it! And the truth is...I'm not suppose to do it...

"What is impossible for mere humans is possible for God." Luke 18:27
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" Proverbs 3:5
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I feel like I just had a Mammaw moment here. My Mammaw had a scripture for EVERY situation and problem. I cannot remember a single conversation with her that did not include scripture, but now I understand why. While I am weak and imperfect, God is with me. God is so much bigger than infertility, shots, pain, and tears. He is the great provider and my comforter and strength. He knows the pain we feel and is there to comfort us when we cry. We are trusting that He is walking before us every step of the way. Yes...I had a meltdown today. But I am NOT defeated...my God is BIGGER than any tears that will come!

When all else fails...just eat ice cream!

Me after the meltdown...freezing to death in Freddy's!
(Yes that is my blanket around me in the restaurant)

Ok...now for the update! We went to San Antonio today for a sonogram and bloodwork. We left bright and early to be there at 9:15! The appointment went good and they said my follicles are coming along nicely. Dr. Martin stopped by to see us today and said everything looked great...they like the follicles to grow nice and slow...not super fast anyways! They want to see me again on Monday for another bloodwork/sonogram to see where we are at. Right now, they are thinking the follicles will probably be "ready" around Monday or Tuesday. Once they are ready and we are given the go-ahead...they will schedule the extraction. So right now, we are still in the growing process. Keep up the prayers for the follicles!!!

Just so you know...WE FEEL YOUR PRAYERS!!! Over and over again, we are overcome with a sense of peace that we know comes from your prayers! We have been blessed beyond measure by people loving on us and we are so thankful! Thank you! We are coveting your prayers even more in the next week as we go into the next stage in this process. For my prayer warriors, here are some things you can be praying for:

1) My estradiol level did not go up as much as they would have liked today. They are upping my medicine and are going to check it on Monday. Please pray that this level will increase and remain where it needs to be to keep these follicles growing!

2) Our travel to and from San Antonio and the decisions that we need to make about when to stay and when to come home. With everything up in the air, it's hard to know what is best!

3) My body as it is trying to grow these follicles. I am getting more uncomfortable and my injection sites are more and more bruised. Pray that God will take care of me during this process.

4) Peace, Hope, and Joy! Of course there are going to be some low points...but we want to continue to have joy during this because we know that God is with us. We pray that God is continually glorified during this process!

5) The doctors and nurses who are taking care of our case and making decisions about our progress. We pray that God is moving through them as they continue to help us achieve our desire of children.




My sweetheart bought me a new charm for my bracelet after lunch. The D and H are special because he bought these for me when we were struggling with infertility. The "clover" is really 4 hearts together. Maybe a sign for me, Derek, and 2 little embryos???

We love you all so much! Thanks for the continued support!

Grow Follicles Grow!

Today I had another bloodwork and sonogram to continue the monitoring process. We started with bloodwork which is now becoming a BREEZE! I never thought I would be able to sit and laugh and talk while getting my blood drawn, but it is getting EASIER everytime. I know it is because so many are praying for us each day! We feel your prayers and are so thankful that you are with us in this journey. My level came out at a 402 which San Antonio said was great. It is going up with the follicles, so they said everything looked good! Next, I went and had my sonogram to check on the follicles.

Getting a little tougher everytime! Ha!

Let me stop for a minute because someone asked me what a follicle was yesterday. As I understand it....a follicle is what holds the eggs. When the follicles grow, we are hoping they have a healthy egg also growing inside of them that the doctor will extract. So growing follicles = growing eggs...in Heather's terms...Ha!

Back to the sonogram...my follicles have grown nicely over the past two days. My nurse said they looked great! This time she measured around 18 of them and 12 of them were in double digits. When San Antonio called us this afternoon, they said all the follicles are looking great and that they seem to all be growing together at the same rate...which is good! I'm so pleased that my little follicles are already learning to get along...Ha! San Antonio told me to keep on my same dosage of medicine for the next two days and to begin a new injection in the morning.

A picture of our follicles. The little circle/ovals are the follicles (towards the top of the screen).

We are scheduled to go to San Antonio on Saturday for them to do bloodwork and a sonogram. After that...everything is kinda up in the air. We will probably start having daily sonograms and bloodwork until they decide my follicles are ready. From that point, we will schedule the extraction two days later and hopefully be transferring two healthy embryos in three days after the extraction! We are not sure yet on dates or anything, everything is pretty much dependent on these follicles growing. We also are not sure when we will be going, staying, driving, etc...everything is all up in the air.

SO...once again...we are asking you to PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! Pray for the next couple of days that these follicles keep up the good work! Pray that we will continue to have a sense of peace and know that God is in control. I will say that we have experienced the attack of the Enemy in our lives today. I don't want to go into detail on here, but Satan is trying to attack our JOY and we are simply NOT GOING TO LET HIM! Today has been a rough day, but we know that God is BIGGER than anything the devil can throw at us. Please continue to pray for us! We are so encouraged everyday by how many people are constantly reaching out to us and showing us God's love! Also, please pray for my body...I'm getting a little more uncomfortable everyday and I know that we still have a ways to go. Pray also for the doctors and nurses that are getting ready to work on me in San Antonio. We are so thankful for each and everyone of  them and we pray that God is guiding their hands and minds as they help bring our precious children into this world. We love you and are so thankful for all of you sharing in this journey with us!

Trusting in God...all the way!

Satan...you don't want none of this!!!

I truly believe I will live to see the Lord's goodness. Wait for the Lord's help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord's help. Psalm 27:13-14

Everything looks great...

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update on today's appointment...

We had a sonogram and bloodwork done here in San Angelo to check on the progress of my  follicles. The bloodwork is getting easier and easier everytime...even though I still don't like getting pricked!!! We asked Katy, our nurse, what exactly she was looking for before we started and she said basically for the follicles to be growing. Well I'm pleased to tell you that they have definitely been growing!!! We several follicles and some of them are getting pretty big! Katy measured around 22 of them. They ranged from 6 mm to 12 mm...which surprised even Katy! Derek had asked her before what size they should be...and asked if they would be around 10. Katy had told him she didn't think they would be up to 10 yet, but we definitely had some that were. Basically, she told us that everything looked perfect!!!

YEA!!! I feel like a proud mama already that my little eggs are just a growin' away! HA!

They sent the sonogram and bloodwork off to San Antonio for the doctors to check it and monitor my progress. My bloodwork came back at a 186 which I have no idea what that means...LOL. It was at 32 on Friday and is now 186 and they told me that was good. Basically my levels are going up! When the nurse from San Antonio called me, she said that they were impressed at how great everything looks. That I was exactly what they wanted to see!!! For the second time today, we heard that everything was perfect!

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

We are excited about every little step that we take forward and cannot express how thankful we are that God is leading the way. It would be easy to say "Look how good my follicles are doing" but I know that this is God all the way. He is the only way that I can give myself shots and get bloodwork and all of these other crazy things and continue to have a smile on my face. We are amazed at His goodness and love that we are feeling throughout this process. We have definitely felt blessed by so many of you in the past couple of days...those who have let me know they are praying, those who text me to see how I am, and others who are giving in ways that go above and beyond what we could ever imagine. God is evident in every step and we are so thankful to be His children!

A couple of you have asked how I'm feeling during all of this...so far...pretty good! I'm having some mild issues...mostly with tiredness! I have been EXHAUSTED since Friday, both physically and emotionally. Growing eggs is hard work...HA! I've had a little bit of soreness and headaches and am having some hot flashes, but that is pretty much it. My family has taken on the emotional role for me...I swear they cry more than I do....HA...(j/k Kristen)...but I know it is because they are so excited for us. I'm sure things will get more uncomfortable as we go, but I really believe that God is taking care of me and providing me with a sense of peace throughout this whole process. Nothing else can explain how good I feel at this point.

SO...from here we continue our shots today and tomorrow at the same dosage. We will have another sonogram and bloodwork on Thursday morning to monitor my progress. We are hoping that we get another great report like today and that these follicles keep up the good work! I will update you on Thursday with the news. Keep on praying! Your prayers are felt more than you know! My little follicles are growing away knowing that you are praying. We love you!




Me being super tough after my bloodwork.

Derek being not so tough after my bloodwork




Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Prayers, coaches, and SHOTS

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the overwhelming amount of prayers that have been lifted up during the past week on our behalf. We have not only felt them, but know that God has heard them. What a difference your prayers are making during this process. We have felt more at peace during the past week than at any other time during our married life. We know that God is in control and we know that He is hearing your prayers. We want to especially thank the amazing group of friends and family who loved on us and prayed for us before we left! Thursday night we were truly in the presence of God!

On Friday, we left at 6:00 am for our first sonogram and bloodwork in San Antonio. We took my parents along for the ride so that they could see the doctor's office and also because we were heading from the doctor to Coaches Outreach. As soon as we walked in the door, they rushed us to bloodwork, which I was very thankful for because it is my least favorite part! Afterwards, we had an ultrasound to check for any cysts. If there were cysts, we would not be able to move forward with IVF until they were gone. Thankfully, the ultrasound and bloodwork were both fine, so we got the green light to move forward with our shots! Our lovely nurse spent some time going over all of my medications with us and letting us practice loading the needles and shooting them in the trashcan! We also got a visit from Dr. Neal who went over the process for the next two weeks and what we could expect. I was really glad Mom and Dad were there, because they reaffirmed how happy we are with the doctors at San Antonio. They were both amazed at how willing everyone was to spend time with us and answer any question we had. We have truly been blessed by FCSA!!! Once we left the office, we got to go and write our BIG check to pay for the procedure! Everything is lined up for this week, and we have appointments here in San Angelo on Tuesday and Thursday to monitor my process. We are hoping to be growing lots of eggs that they can extract sometime the following week!

Me getting ready for my sonogram. Derek likes to take pictures to pass the time.
He also likes to pretend to be the doctor and play with all the supplies!

After our doctor's appointment, we headed to Kerrville for Coaches Outreach. Coaches Outreach is an organization that ministers to coaches and their spouses by offering marriage retreats. We have been going ever since we got married and did not want to miss this one due to IVF. We brought our medications with us, because I had to take my first shots on Saturday morning. Right now, I am taking two shots each morning, one that is in a pen-type thing with disposable tips, and one that I use a syringe to fill and inject. These shots have little needles and we are injecting them into my abdomen. I made the decision that I wanted to try and do these injections by myself. Somehow in my mind I thought it would hurt less if I was in control...ha! Plus, Derek will have to give me plenty of injections next week in my hip and then for the next three months, so I thought I would do these on my own.

Me about to give my first two shots!!! YIKES!

I have to stop here and tell you that I HATE needles. I have always gotten sick with shots and bloodwork in the past. I have passed out before and usually lay down with any type of needle!!! So for me to be about to give myself TWO injections was a HUGE thing for me. Saturday morning we woke up and Derek prepped the shots. I held the first one right above my stomach and then decided I didn't want to do it. I kinda cried out and Derek said to me..."just do it on three...one, two, THREE!!!" I screamed and poked it in my stomach and then pressed the medicine in. I was AMAZED at the fact that it did not hurt AT ALL!!! And I was thrilled that I actually did it! The shot from the pen did not go in as smoothly and I did not like it near as much as the other one. Afterwards, I laid on the bed and cried...ha! Derek told me how proud he was of me, which made me feel so good! I cannot believe how much God has provided in this area because there is NO WAY I could do that on my own. This morning, our shots went much more smoothly. I gave them both to myself with no crying, no screaming, and no pain. Praise God!

We were very blessed by our weekend at Coaches Outreach. God continues to amaze me at putting people in our lives who are there to show His love. We had a sweet couple in our group who had struggled with infertility and have two precious boys. They mentored us and prayed for us and were such a blessing to our hearts. We had other couples who encouraged and prayed for us and even supported us in ways that shocked us! God is SO GOOD!!! We are in AWE of his power and love for us during this journey.

I will update this on Tuesday when we hear back with our results. Right now we are praying for these eggs to develop so that they can be harvested and turn into healthy embryos. Also, keep us in your prayers as we continue our shot process! We love you!

"Consider it nothing but JOY when you fall into all sorts of TRIALS, because your know that the testing of your FAITH produces ENDURANCE." James 1:2-3

And Here We Go!!!

It's hard to believe that I am writing this right now but the time has finally come for us to get started!!! YEA! We are leaving tomorrow morning for San Antonio for our first bloodwork and ultra-sound in the in-vitro process. If everything looks good tomorrow, we will begin our injections on Saturday and begin (hopefully) growing lots of eggs that will be harvested and fertilized in the very near future! I have dreamed about this moment for the past year and a half, and cannot believe that we are really here, ready to go! I feel that I am finally ready to be at this point, about to step off the cliff into the unknown, but prepared for what is to come. A year and a half ago, I was not ready. But God has worked on my heart throughout this process to come to this point and I believe that His timing is far better than my own! YEA!

This has been an extremely busy, but fun week! I have wanted to sit down and write out a blog all week, but my duty as Aunt Heather has clearly come first! We have been so blessed to have Grant, Hillary, Jordan, and Jaxson with us this week while Jordan attended VBS. We have had so much fun laughing, having slumber parties, swimming, dancing, and playing. It has been great to have my mind so busy so that I have not had time to stress about what we are about to do.

On Tuesday, we received our shipment of medication for the upcoming cycle. We had a minor panic attack on Monday when the pharmacy informed us that one of the medications vital to the process was on nation-wide backorder. Thankfully, Dad and Mom stopped and prayed before lunch and God stepped in and took care of us once again. The medication was found in California and arrived on our doorstep at 9:30 the next morning! God provides!



My box full of medications...complete with 40 needles!!!

I have to admit, God has been working extremely hard on my heart during this process. In the early stages of infertility, I was very private about the struggles that I was going through. I did not want to share anything with anyone, trying to keep the pain to myself. Somehow, I felt that if I shared this journey with others, it would only make me feel worse and more inadequate. I felt like I was letting everyone down, by not being able to get pregnant. When I had my miscarriage, I was devastated, but kept even more to myself, feeling ashamed and embarrassed that I had lost the pregnancy. I had no idea how much Satan was using these feelings to take hold of my life. A very wise woman (Loann Baker) gave me some precious words after my miscarriage at Camp Victory. She told me that when I kept my struggles to myself, I was forfeiting the prayers of all of the people around me who loved me. Satan was winning this battle by encouraging me to keep to myself! There are so many people who would have willingly been praying, had I just let them know what was going on!!! Thanks to these words from Loann, I made the decision that Satan was NOT going to be victorious during this process! God is going to REIGN in this, and every, area of our lives. This blog has helped me not hide in my pain, but to share my feelings with those around me, who I know are lifting us up in prayer daily. Shame and secrecy is the work of Satan, but the POWER OF PRAYER is going to present and evident in every step that we take!

We have been very blessed to hear from so many people that they are praying for us! Last night, we got the very humbling experience of being prayed for by the elders of our church. Probably the neatest part of the journey was getting to see the experience through Jordan's eyes. At first, I did not know how she would feel about it, and thought that she would probably want to stay in the gym and play in the bounce house. But my precious little niece told me that she wanted to be there to make sure that the elders "did it right!" Hearing how excited she was about this process has confirmed that we are following God's will. We are excited to share in prayer again with some very special friends tonight, before this process begins.

We know that there are many others out there want to join us in this process through prayer. Our request is that you pray right now for:

1. The doctors and nurses who will be handling our case as we proceed.
2. Derek as he prepares to give me injections in the coming week.
3. Me, as I prepare to endure injections this upcoming week. Also, please pray that I will have a sense of peace throughout the process and that God will take away my fear and anxiety. : )
4. My eggs to develop and grow so that we can have healthy embryos
5. That God will be glorified during this process.

My goal is to update this blog often in the upcoming week as we progress with information and specific prayer requests. We love you all and can't believe we are actually getting started!!!

PSALM 113:9 "He makes the barren woman of the family a happy MOTHER of children. Praise the Lord!"

It's getting closer...

The end of school was such a whirlwind of activity that I cannot believe that it is already June 12th! Time seems to fly without school going on...which can be both good and bad! We had a crazy last week of school with the addition of Luke Kemp Pritchard being brought into this world on May 31st! We were blessed to have Kortney, Kyndall, Brian, and Laura all stay with us at some point during the last week of school while we welcomed Mr. Luke into the world!

Luke Kemp Pritchard

Things were crazy for all of us trying to get finals taken care of, classrooms cleaned, and everything packed for our big trip to Florida. We left the Saturday that school got out and headed to Springtown to watch Jordan as the flower girl in "Uncle" Josh's wedding. She did great and the wedding was amazing!

Derek and Jaxson at Josh's wedding

The next day we rested up and packed two cars full to the brim to get ready to head to Florida. We decided to drive through the night to give the babies a chance to sleep. The drive went really smoothly and we were thrilled to enjoy a great vacation in Destin. Mom and Dad rented a house that was a 5 minute walk to the beach and we spent our days playing in the sand, ocean, and in the pool. It was the perfect vacation to shake off a crazy school year and help us to relax a little bit before we begin the in-vitro process.

The beach crew

We love Destin



Dinner out in Florida

So where are we on in-vitro??? It shocks me how close we are to actually beginning this process. This has been on our thoughts and minds since November of 2010 and I cannot believe that it is actually here. During the month of May, I had about 10 vials of blood drawn to test for everything imaginable before we could begin. Since everything came out normal, we got the green light to begin taking birth control pills. I am scheduled to take my last pill on Monday and then we will head to San Antonio next Friday, June 22nd, for my first sonogram and bloodwork. If everything looks good, we begin injections the following day and get to come home to be monitored the following week. As of right now, it is looking like the extraction and transfer will be around the first week of July, but I've been told the schedule could very well change at any point. So pretty much everything is getting started next Friday.

Deep breath in...deep breath out...

This process is so overwhelming and exciting at the same point that it is very hard to describe how I feel about it all:

I am so excited that we are finally here after such a long wait.
I'm nervous about the process, because the whole thing is unknown.
I'm scared about the needles and shots and worried about how I will handle it all.
I'm hopeful that this process will work and we will be blessed beyond belief in the coming year.
I'm thankful for the partner I have beside me that will be here with me every step of the way.
I'm blessed to be surrounded by friends and family who lift us up daily in prayer.
I'm joyful that I have a Lord who loves me enough to wrap me in his arms daily.
I am confident that God is working in our lives and will be glorified throughout this process.

More than anything at this point, I'm coveting the prayers of everyone around us. I believe that God will meet us here in this place and walk with us through the valley of the unknown. God knows the desires of our hearts and knows how greatly we long for the blessing of children in our lives. We ask that in the weeks to come, you join with us in this journey by lifting us up in prayers for peace, comfort, and strength. We know that our precious babies will be the most prayed for and loved babies before they are even here. We love you!



Dinner in New Orleans

DELIGHT yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the DESIRES of your HEART! Psalm 37:4