Sometimes you just need a moment...

Ok...truth time...I promised to be honest and open on this blog during this journey. So...here's the truth...today...I had a breakdown. I feel like I have been pretty strong through this whole process and really been handling things well...given the circumstances. And then today...MELTDOWN! I found myself in the parking garage of our doctor's office trying to find a spot on my stomach that was not bruised in order to give myself my shots and I just sat there and cried. I cried because my shots hurt. I cried because I was having to give myself shots. I cried because I want so badly for this to work and there are moments that I am just scared. I sat and cried for the past 5 and a half years that led us to this point. I cried because this whole thing is JUST NOT FAIR!!! As I sat in the backseat crying I told Derek, "This is more than any person should ever have to do!!!" And I cried. Then, I called my mom and cried some more. It just all hit me in that moment and I did what I had to do...I cried.

And then...I was done. The truth is I am human and this process is the hardest thing that we have had to endure. There's no point in acting like I am always tough, because sometimes you just have to cry. And the greatest thing about all of this, is that what I am feeling is exactly right. This is simply TOO MUCH for one person to do on there own!!! There is no way that I can get through this by myself...I just can't do it! And the truth is...I'm not suppose to do it...

"What is impossible for mere humans is possible for God." Luke 18:27
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" Proverbs 3:5
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I feel like I just had a Mammaw moment here. My Mammaw had a scripture for EVERY situation and problem. I cannot remember a single conversation with her that did not include scripture, but now I understand why. While I am weak and imperfect, God is with me. God is so much bigger than infertility, shots, pain, and tears. He is the great provider and my comforter and strength. He knows the pain we feel and is there to comfort us when we cry. We are trusting that He is walking before us every step of the way. Yes...I had a meltdown today. But I am NOT defeated...my God is BIGGER than any tears that will come!

When all else fails...just eat ice cream!

Me after the meltdown...freezing to death in Freddy's!
(Yes that is my blanket around me in the restaurant)

Ok...now for the update! We went to San Antonio today for a sonogram and bloodwork. We left bright and early to be there at 9:15! The appointment went good and they said my follicles are coming along nicely. Dr. Martin stopped by to see us today and said everything looked great...they like the follicles to grow nice and slow...not super fast anyways! They want to see me again on Monday for another bloodwork/sonogram to see where we are at. Right now, they are thinking the follicles will probably be "ready" around Monday or Tuesday. Once they are ready and we are given the go-ahead...they will schedule the extraction. So right now, we are still in the growing process. Keep up the prayers for the follicles!!!

Just so you know...WE FEEL YOUR PRAYERS!!! Over and over again, we are overcome with a sense of peace that we know comes from your prayers! We have been blessed beyond measure by people loving on us and we are so thankful! Thank you! We are coveting your prayers even more in the next week as we go into the next stage in this process. For my prayer warriors, here are some things you can be praying for:

1) My estradiol level did not go up as much as they would have liked today. They are upping my medicine and are going to check it on Monday. Please pray that this level will increase and remain where it needs to be to keep these follicles growing!

2) Our travel to and from San Antonio and the decisions that we need to make about when to stay and when to come home. With everything up in the air, it's hard to know what is best!

3) My body as it is trying to grow these follicles. I am getting more uncomfortable and my injection sites are more and more bruised. Pray that God will take care of me during this process.

4) Peace, Hope, and Joy! Of course there are going to be some low points...but we want to continue to have joy during this because we know that God is with us. We pray that God is continually glorified during this process!

5) The doctors and nurses who are taking care of our case and making decisions about our progress. We pray that God is moving through them as they continue to help us achieve our desire of children.




My sweetheart bought me a new charm for my bracelet after lunch. The D and H are special because he bought these for me when we were struggling with infertility. The "clover" is really 4 hearts together. Maybe a sign for me, Derek, and 2 little embryos???

We love you all so much! Thanks for the continued support!