Three under three...

This week was my first handling three under three on my own and....

It was a little rough! 

We survived though! We made it through the week without any major catastrophes. Everyone was fed each day. Everyone was dressed most of the time. We all took naps through the week. We had some Grammy and Grumpy help and some AWESOME meals from sweet ladies at the church. We survived.

But it was a little rough on this mama. Harder than I actually thought it would be. I shed some tears. Had some harsh moments with my littles that I regret. Said things I shouldn't have. Was frustrated. And a little overwhelmed. The truth is...

Being a mom is HARD! 

I don't know why we don't like to admit that. Motherhood is a hard, tiring, never-ending calling. Sure it is the BEST blessing that I have ever received. But is also the hardest job that I have ever had to do. Three kids under three (really under 2 years 1 month) is A LOT. It's a lot to handle. I think just having 2 two-yr-olds would have been a lot on it's own. Throw in a newborn, having to get up at night, a coaching husband, and crazy hormones and life is a little wild around our house. There are times when I think I just can't do it. 

Which is exactly the point.

Being a mom to three under three is more than I can handle. I don't know how other moms do it. I just know that I can't do it. Not on my own anyways. Which is what God wants from me. He doesn't want me to handle it on my own. HE wants me to CRY out to Him, turn to Him, RUN to Him, need Him. He wants to be our comfort and provider. He wants to be our encourager and our support.

Why we feel like we have to do it on our own is beyond me. I fall into the trap everyday. Trying to do it all, be everything to everybody, and act like I have it all under control. When in reality, I need to fall apart and be broken to allow God to work. To allow others to help. To allow grace to multiply. 

When times are hard, God give me Jesus.
When I'm frustrated with my littles...help me show them your grace.
When I feel like I can't get up in the night one more time...God give me your strength.
When I'm lonely and missing my husband, God comfort me with your love.
When I'm discouraged with myself...God encourage me through your word.
When I just don't feel like I'm doing a good job...God show me yourself to me through your actions.
More than anything God, cover me with your grace.

My prayer all week was for God's grace to abound in our house. This is an area that I struggle with more than others. I have a HARD time showing grace to others. I'm demanding. Hard. Harsh at times. Ugly. I don't offer grace when I know I should. Especially towards my husband and children. So my prayer all week was for extra grace. Grace for the twins when my patience ran thin. Grace for my husband when I snapped at him. For grace to fill our home and my heart when times were hard.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

It was a hard week... but it was just one week. And at the end of the week I have...

A husband that works tirelessly hard so that I can stay home. That comes home on the weekend and plays non-stop with the twins. Who takes the outside, takes them to the park, and makes the backyard look amazing for them to play. Who takes Colson at 6:00 in the morning so that I can sleep one more hour. And who looks pretty darn cute doing it all.

Two twins who keep me laughing all the time. Who wake up in the morning with smiles on their faces. Who love me inspire of my failures and shortcomings. Who cheer "Yay Mama!" and "You did it!" when I pump milk for Colson (seriously so cute). Who shower Colson with love and kisses and love to check on him. Who love to read, color, cook and love to be my "helpers". Who remind me each day of what an awesome God we serve.

A sweet baby Colson. Who we still have no idea who he looks like. Who is a complete Mama's Boy and melts my heart each day. Who is the BEST eater and has already outgrown his newborn clothes and diapers! And who is already a good sleeper and only wakes me up twice a night for milk and cuddles.

And friends and family that are uplifting and helpful. Friends that bring over meals, text or call to check on us, and encourage me when its hard. Parents that come and help with nap-time, bath-time, or bed-time when Derek is gone to track. Sweet friends and family that love us so much and are the hands and feet of Jesus in my life. 

I am so unbelievably BLESSED...even on the hardest days. And I know these days will not last forever. This weekend has been one of renewal and refreshing and I am ready for the week to come with my three under three. Our God is so good and He provides in all circumstances. His mercies are new every morning. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Colson Luke Schoen

At 12:53 pm on March 9th, we got to meet our 3rd little blessing...Colson Luke Schoen! Weighing in at 7 lbs, 12 oz and measuring 19 1/2 inches long, he came into this world crying full force with a head full of hair! He is absolutely adorable in every way possible! We are already SO in LOVE!!!

The day of Colson's birth started out with me waking up at 3:45 and having steady contractions all morning. I knew the doctor was going to check me when I went in before the c-section to see if I was making any progress. If I was, we were going to try a VBAC. If not, we would keep with the c-section. By the time I got hooked up to the monitor at the hospital, I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes and pretty intense. However, I was not making any progress at all. I was still dilated to a 1 and not getting anywhere. Plus, after a bag of fluid, my contractions slowed back down and were coming about every 5 minutes. After an hour of monitoring, we decided to go forward with the c-section as scheduled. I am thankful for my nurses and doctor for monitoring everything and helping us make the best choice to bring our Colson safely into the world!

The c-section this time around was very smooth. I think I was better prepared for what was going to take place, therefore less nervous. The epidural went super smooth, and I was pretty much alert and awake the entire time. When Derek got into the delivery room, I was SO anxious to know what our little surprise baby was going to be! We had already decided that Derek would be the one to announce whether it was a boy or girl. The entire time I just knew he was going to say it was a boy. After some pulling and tugging, I felt the baby come out and heard Derek say "Baby, it's a BOY!!!" I cried tears of joy and heard my sweet Colson cry out and continue to wail. I kept saying "It's Colson, it's Colson!" Poor little guy cried constantly until they brought him to me and placed him on my chest. Then he quieted down. We were so excited and LOVED that we got to experience such a sweet surprise.

As they closed me up, Derek took Colson to our room where he got his first bath and got to meet his brother and sister, grandparents and other family. Everyone was so excited to meet Mr. Colson. When I got back to the room, we had an hour of recovery time with just me, Derek, and Colson. I loved that sweet time with my Colson boy and Derek. Colson latched on and nursed immediately...and has been nursing great ever since...ha!

The hospital stay was great. After having super-tiny twins, having just one baby was a breeze! It was actually much less hectic than our normal life at home with the twins, so we kinda felt like it was a vacation! We took some naps, watched some shows on the laptop, and enjoyed our little miracle. Early Wednesday morning, our sweet Adelyn came down with a nasty stomach bug so Derek left to take care of her and take the twins to the house. I was recovering great from the c-section and could take care of Colson pretty much on my own. I was super thankful to get home to my other two, especially my sick little girl!

Life at home SURE changed bringing Colson home!!! The biggest transition was with the twins who went from having a Mommy at home pretty much all day every day, to having being out-of-pocket for two straight days. And when Mommy came home, she could no longer pick them up which was pretty much TERRIBLE in their little eyes! It took us almost the rest of the week to get to back to some sort of normal with life at home. We had some challenges, but thankfully Daddy has been on spring break this past week and able to help out. The twins are doing well, have been able to reconnect with Derek after a LONG basketball season, and are learning to do things without Mommy. The real challenge of course will come next Monday when Daddy goes back to work and I am on my own with all three. But I'm sure God will provide...just like He always does, and we will figure it all out with lots of grace and love!

So...how has my life changed??? Colson has been SUCH a delight to have home! I am SO GLAD we had the twins first because they make one baby seem like a BREEZE! He is a great eater, sleeps pretty well, and is pretty content, even with the chaos that is our world. Life at our house is crazy and wild, but I am loving every minute of it. It is for sure a challenge to have two TWO year olds and a newborn, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I am slightly spoiled this week with Derek home because he has been AMAZING with taking care of the twins. He takes the early shift with Colson (who likes to be up from about 5 or 6 until 7) and gets the twins up and ready. He also takes the twins outside to play, to the park, and takes care of all of their baths. I am SO BLESSED by such an amazing partner and father to our children. I am also so thankful that our God decided that we needed sweet Colson in our lives! He has definitely made his way into our HEARTS and lives! We LOVE him SO MUCH!!!

Here are some pics of Colson's room. We had stuff for both boy and girl, but we were really more prepared for a boy...ha! Throw in a trip to Hobby Lobby and his room was complete!

Ashley came and took some great newborn shots of our little Stud-Muffin! His hair just kills me...

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts as we welcomed sweet Colson to our family. We are blessed beyond measure and we are so thankful for your sweet prayers. Love to you all!

"Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name." I Chronicles 29:13

The night before...

The night before the twins were born...
I was a nervous wreck. I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what I was in for in the day to come. No idea how the day would unfold. How my life would change. How in two short minutes, my entire life would be turned upside down. I wrote a blog that night before (read here) reflecting on our journey up to that point. Most of it was centered around the lessons I learned through the journey of infertility and how God had moved in our lives. I still love to go back and read those blogs and remember the feelings I felt before I first held my sweet babies. It helps me to remember how truly amazing our God is and how much He changed my entire world in just one instance.

The truth is...
The night before the twins were born I was not a mother. Sure I had carried them for almost 9 months. Felt them grow inside my body. Felt them kick and move and grow. But March 6, 2013 was the most life-changing day in my entire life. It was like all of sudden, everything I knew about the world changed. Completely. Forever.

Growing up in the church, I didn't have one of those blinding, hit you over the head moments where all of sudden I believed in Christ and my world was forever changed. I always believed in God and made Jesus my Savior as soon as I was mature and ready for the decision.

The day I married Derek, certainly changed my life, but not in an instant. Derek and I had built a love and relationship for the previous two years and getting married just solidified our commitment to each other. Sure it was life changing, but not nearly in the same way.

But the day I became a mother...
I finally knew what unconditional love was. What it meant to love something so completely and wholly that nothing in this world could ever break that bond. I knew what it meant to be completely and totally responsible for another person. Two other people actually. I learned what sacrificial love means and looks like. That I am willing to put myself aside for these two other people at any time, any day. These two little babies were placed in my arms and all of a sudden I was theirs. And they were mine. No instructions, no words, no limits...just pure, uncomplicated love.

The fears from the night before...
Were replaced with all new fears. How was I suppose to juggle two? How was I suppose to feed two? How could I handle all of this responsibility when I was exhausted? Were they gaining enough? Eating enough? Growing enough? Would they meet their milestones? Would I be enough? Could I really love two babies enough for their own needs?

His mercies are new...
Every morning. Great is His Faithfulness. I can remember crying out to my God so many times that first year in exhaustion. And then again in year two in selfishness. I fail so many times every day. As much LOVE as I have for my amazing blessings, I also fall short so many times. Selfishness takes over. Weariness takes over. I am so thankful to have a God who is willing to meet me where I am and walk with me through the valleys and peaks. Who loves me unconditionally and equipped me with EVERYTHING I need to be a mother to twins. And now to a third. Who rocked with me through the sleepless nights, prayed with me over their cribs, cried tears with me when I couldn't do it alone, and celebrated with me each milestone and achievement.

The night before the twins turned two...
I was putting to bed my one year olds for the last time and I rocked them for an extra long time. I thought about how significantly my life had changed in two short years.

I rocked Tucker first and cried silent tears into his sweet hair and savored everything about this boy that I had learned. About his cries in the beginning...which ones meant that he was hungry or wet or dirty. About how he liked to be put to sleep and spent the first year only wanting mama. About how he had changed at about 18 months into this rough and tumble boy who loves to play, yell, throw balls, hit with sticks, get dirty, and everything else in between. About how I couldn't remember a day before him because he was so much a part of me that it seemed silly to not even know him or have him in my life. That even at two he still loves his mama best and still loves to cuddle and snuggle and hold my hand while we watch TV. That I am beyond blessed to have such an incredible little boy in my life and how God had completely transformed my life and how thankful I am that God made me wait 6 years for such a blessing.

And then I rocked my Ady. My sunshine girl. My incredibly wiggly, red-headed, fire ball. That came to me making little piggy sounds and full of personality and sass. That even on her second day of life was already cracking us up with her funny faces. As she wrestled around in my arms, I breathed in her sweet smell and played with her red curls. I thought about how easy she was as a baby. How she loved to smile and talk to me while she nursed and would crack up at anything. How she loved her daddy the first year of her life and still has times that she just needs him. How she changed to a mama's girl when I got pregnant and had intense moments of needing me more than anything else. I laughed at her sassy walk, how she is SO MUCH like me in so many ways, her independence, and determination. How I can't wait to see what God is going to do with her because I know that she is going to set this world on FIRE! How I can't believe God would entrust me with such an amazingly wonderful gift and know that I am perfectly equipped to be her mother.

As I rocked my babies...
I thought about how incredible our God is. Who has made this barren woman a happy mother in her home. Who used the AWFUL pain of infertility to prepare my heart for such ENORMOUS blessings. Who knew that I could handle the task of twins. Who wanted me to experience every joy of the past two years. Who chose me to be a mother again in the most wonderful way. And has made my cup runneth over. Who strengthen me each day these past few months when I was too weary to go on. Who knows my heart and my weaknesses and has surrounded me with people to lift me up. What a mighty God we serve that I can call him Father.

On the night before I meet baby #3...
I am at peace. I am humbled. I am thankful. I am calm. I am so unbelievably ready to see what God has prepared for us. What God has been knitting in my womb these past 9 months. As AMAZING as these past two years have been, I know that tomorrow is another life-changing day. There will be a time where we can't remember life before this third baby. They will be a part of our family in such a way that we will cherish every moment from here on out.

And I know what incredible LOVE I have for Tucker and Adelyn and can't wait to experience that all again. With someone I haven't even met. I can't wait to learn all of the incredible and unique things about this new baby. How they like to be rocked, nursed, held, loved. Who they look like, who they act like, what their personality will be. What color hair they have. What color eyes. Who they prefer. What they prefer. I know what incredible LOVE I have as a mother of two and I know that God will abundantly fill me with even more as we transition to three.

I can't wait...
For the excitement of March 9th. I can't wait to look back on this day and see God's hand at work. I am looking forward to gazing into the sweet face of his newest creation and knowing what a good God we serve. And watching Him grow our family beyond what we could ask or imagine. I am ready to have my three little loves at home, and raise them with the one God made just for me. What an incredible journey God has put us on these past 9 months. On July 3rd, we found out about this little miracle. And now we are a few short hours from meeting him or her! Blessed be the name of the Lord!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" Ephesians 3:20-21

Overdue...

For those of you who've been counting...yesterday was my due date! And I am still here at home blogging which means...NO BABY YET! We are still anxiously awaiting our newest love, so I thought I would give everyone a quick update on baby status!

I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and I had not made any progress since the week before. Which puts us in a slightly difficult position since I am desiring to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) this time around. With a VBAC, there are only so many things my doctor can do to "help" me along. They do not do a traditional induction with VBAC's and cannot use any type of medication to help me start dilating. So if I do not make progress on my own, there is little hope to move forward with plans of a VBAC.

I convinced my doctor to wait until Monday before scheduling a c-section. For one thing...the twins' birthday is TOMORROW and I really don't want to be in the hospital on their big day. Also, I am hoping that maybe my body can kick it in to gear before Monday and this baby will come on its own! I know that our God is MORE than capable of bringing this baby into the world in HIS timing and HIS way...I'm just going to give him a little more time in case He still needs it to work...ha!

On one hand, I am completely ok with the process of a c-section, since that's what we did with the twins. I trust my doctor completely, know what to expect and love the fact that it is scheduled and fairly quick! However, the recovery of the c-section is going to be much tougher on me this time around with two two-year-olds to care for. Last time, I recovered so well but I only had 5 lb infants to pick up. This time, I have two 25 pounders that rely on Mama for just about everything!!! To not be able to pick them up for 2 weeks is going to be SO HARD! I know we can do it. I know that I will have plenty of help. But it hurts my heart to think of not picking them up for 2 weeks.

On the other hand, there is no guarantee that a VBAC will even work. I would love the experience of brining the baby into the world the way that God designed. I would love to be in that position when I find out if my newest love is a boy or a girl, instead of on an operating table behind a curtain. There are so many things that I think would be neat about a VBAC. But the bottom line is we want a safe and healthy delivery for Mama and baby. And that may not include a VBAC. Which is ok!

SO...at this point...we are putting our trust in God. We are praying continually for his guidance and his hand in all circumstances surrounding this delivery. We have our desires and hopes, but bottom line is we are ABOUT TO MEET our surprise baby!!! The baby that God placed in our lives at the PERFECT timing that we had NO CONTROL over! We trust and believe that God will place he or she in our arms in the same PERFECT fashion. We are thankful to not actually be in control, because God's way is far supreme to our own. This past Sunday, Tommy said that having faith for Abraham was believing that God could and WOULD do something impossible in his life. We believe the same in our sweet family right now, because this baby is already evidence of the impossible coming into fruition.

We ask for you to join us in prayers over the next 5 days as we prepare for Monday. We are currently scheduled for a c-section on Monday at 12:30 if nothing happens before then. So we will be cuddling our sweet boy or girl in FIVE short days! I can't wait to see his/her sweet face and see who he or she will be! I'm over the moon at the thought of meeting this baby! Our God is so so GOOD!!! We also ask that you pray for strength for Derek and me as we transition to becoming parents of THREE!!! Three under three!!! What a crazy thought! We also ask that you pray for Tucker and Adelyn as they face a major transition, have to learn to share Mama even more, and are out of their normal routine for a few days. We are so blessed to have family and friends that we know will cover them in prayers, love, and activities while our time is divided!

Thank you to all of you for lifting us up during this fun and exciting time in our lives! We will update when we can with the exciting news!

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:11

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

39 Weeks (last week's pic)